Senses Fail are a band that has always been in a constant progress, not because of their lineup changes, but because of lead singer Buddy Nielsen‘s steadiness and urge to make more than just another album. With a much heavier hardcore-influence direction and now signed to Pure Noise Records, Pull The Thorns From Your Heart is a cathartic and brave effort. We caught up with Buddy to talk about the new album, life experiences and even why Buddhism changed his life.
First of all, how are things with you lately?
Things are great! I’m very happy and excited about the future. I’m at a very good place.
Last year, you did a 10-year anniversary tour for your debut album Let It Enfold You. Overall, how was that tour and how did the fans react to listen to the whole record live?
Everybody seemed to love it. It went really well and it was successful. I think people were really pleased with how it went and hearing the songs played in their entirety.
Playing those songs may have brought you some old memories and it seemed like a mix between the person you once were and the person you are now. Would you agree with that?
Yeah! That was the weirdest thing, because I don’t necessarily relate to being that person anymore and going through that kind of stuff. It was interesting, but I’m a completely different person now and so it’s interesting to try to relate to those songs. I still can relate to them, but they’re not as current to me in my life and so they might not be as emotional and I might not feel them as deeply.
I know you probably answered this question a million times, but how does it feel to be the only founding member of Senses Fail?
I feel ok about it. I don’t really think about it too much because a lot of the guys that are in the band have been in the band for more than five years… I don’t really look at it as if I’m the only member, I just look at it like a different version of the band honestly. I could change the band’s name, but it doesn’t make sense to do that. It’s technically not even the same band [laughs] but everyone knows our names, so why change it? If you look at wrestlers in WWF or WWE, they change their character all the time, but they don’t change their name, because they’ve already had a name’s recognition. They make their name work with whatever version of their character and that’s how I feel about Senses Fail. It’s sort of like this is what we’re doing right now and the name Senses Fail means this and in the past meant something else. We grow and change and the name doesn’t really define us.
Chris Hornbrook of Poison The Well is your new drummer and the band Poison The Well was a big influence for you. How did he get into the band and how is it like to play with him?
We have a lot of mutual friends. He used to drum tech for A Day To Remember and he also used to drum tech for a band called Escape The Fate. Our bass player Gavin Caswell is also guitar tech for Escape The Fate and they were on a tour together and we were looking for a drummer. Gavin mentioned about Chris and I think it worked out well, I think he’s cool. We’ve been able to have a lot of members on Senses Fail that have actually influenced the band in the band, which is really cool. A lot of other bands I don’t know if they have the opportunity to actually have new people joining their band at once with their influences and I think that’s really interesting.
With your last record Renacer, you guys moved towards a heavier hardcore-influenced direction writing your most hardcore songs to date. Was this new musical direction what you’ve wanted to achieve with Senses Fail music?
Yeah! I’ve been trying to go that direction for years. I’ve always been influenced by hardcore and the heavier side of punk and also metal. That’s what I’ve always wanted the heaviness to be part of the band, so when a lot of the original members left I decided “I want to go this direction, this is what I like, this is what I listen to, this is what I’m passionate about.” I wanted to move the band more towards a hardcore direction. It was definitely on purpose and that’s where I want to go and that’s the kind of music that I like to make. I like to make really aggressive, emotional heavy music.
“I always felt held back, I always felt like I couldn’t go there because I wasn’t willing to, so I always felt like that I wasn’t being 100% honest and I wanted this record to be and feel that way.”
You are now signed with the great label Pure Noise Records. What led you to work with them?
We were looking for a label and I think it’s really important to be on a label with current bands, because we’re changing our sound I wanted to be with some bands that represent that and I think Pure Noise is moving into that direction. They have Rotting Out and they’ve signed Counterparts, they have To The Wind… We’re not exactly a hardcore band, so be on a hardcore label would probably be too much. Something like Bridge Nine Records would be cool, but I still think that would look almost like we were maybe trying too hard to be a hardcore band and so I wanted to be on a label that had a lot of diverse stuff – some older stuff, some pop punk stuff, some hardcore stuff. I think Pure Noise is a really good spot to be part of what’s happening in the younger sort of music thing.
You guys teamed up with Man Overboard for a split 7”/digital record that was your first split and also your first release via Pure Noise Records, which included two brand new songs from you and Man Overboard and also featured each of the bands covering a classic song from each other. How did the idea for this split come about?
I wanted to do a versus split like Snapcase vs. Boysetsfire split, and in the early 90’s a lot of bands just did these versus splits where they would play each others music and put out an original song. I thought that was always fun and interesting to hear, another band cover one of their friends’ band songs. We knew we were going on tour together on the Bayside tour and so we figured it could be cool to release the split to help to promote the tour and plus some new music out. I thought it would be a really fun way to put together a little project that we could work together and to help to promote the Bayside tour as well.
This split was kind of an appetizer of what was coming on Senses Fail’s new album. Pull The Thorns From Your Heart is undoubtedly an in-depth effort and a very personal one. You recently came out as a queer and you’re talking bravely about your sexuality, addictions and struggles that you’ve been through, which was a huge influence on this record. When did you think it was time to come out as queer and expose these experiences of yours?
Thank you very much, I appreciate that. I guess I kind of knew that it was time when I became ok with it. When I spoke with my family and friends, I just decided that I probably might be able to help people with my story and I figured that the next record was probably going to be about that, so I thought “Let me sort of let people know who I really am so I can continue and start to make music in a more honest way.” I always felt held back, I always felt like I couldn’t go there because I wasn’t willing to, so I always felt like that I wasn’t being 100% honest and I wanted this record to be and feel that way. When I felt comfortable and secure in knowing I had support and knowing that I was in a good place in my life, that’s when I decided to do it.
You stated that this record is the complete documentation of your transformative spiritual experience from the darkness to the light. How was the whole process of writing these new songs?
It was really different, because I wrote a lot of the songs and I’d never written any songs for Senses Fail ever. I wrote a lot and that’s why a lot of this record sounds different, because the main songwriters weren’t in the band anymore and I sort of took over like “Well, I’m gonna try to write some songs.” It was amazing. I really enjoyed it and it was really fun. I just basically took all summer to write and then got together with the rest of the band. We put the songs together and then we figured out what the direction was. It was really easy, probably the easiest record that I’ve ever worked on with the band. I think mostly because I wasn’t trying to tell someone how I wanted it to be, I was just creating it myself like “This is the way I want it to be and now I’m gonna create it.” In the past, I’ve always been like “Oh well, but if it sounds like this or we could do like this. We could try this or that” but this time I was like really free to do whatever I wanted and it made a much simpler process. [laughs]
Coming out must have been a relief for you and also took courage from you to do that, but it’s also a great encouragement for people who deal with the same struggles. The song “The Courage Of An Open Heart” shows that feeling of live life embracing yourself completely. What can you tell me more about that song?
I guess the idea was that I wished I could always live with an open heart. Most of us spend so much time judging others and judging ourselves and then we judge ourselves for judging others and what I really feel is that we can really truly low down our guard and sort of just be open to the experience without judgement and that’s what that song is about. It’s about a willingness to be open to life without judgement and that means judgement towards yourself or to other people. And that’s what happened to me, I spent my whole life judging myself – and I still do. There’s still this condition in me, but I’m working on sort of letting go of that judgement and really being ok with time and that’s what that song is about.
I read that you fully converted to Buddhism and now you meditate 25 minutes per day, which was also a big influence in the writing of the new album. How much of that did help you to get over your anxieties and get your own peace of mind?
[laughs] Almost everything! It completely changed my life. It’s not a religion to me, it’s really a sort of way of retraining your mind. It’s really difficult for me to put into words what the process has been for me, but I guess I could say what has done for me is giving me the ability to see where I’m creating my own suffering. For instants just with judgement! I mean, I judged myself so harshly… We think – especially as Americans – there’s this urge and this need to be successful, to have an individuality and have this like standing on top of the mountain sort of moment in your life where you’re successful and you’re creative and you have this beautiful family… Everybody has said that from a young age and you judge everything you’re doing like “Is this good enough? Is this gonna get me there? Is this gonna be enough? Am I gonna have enough? Am I steady enough? Am I beautiful enough?” We create so much stress around if we are good enough to be loved by ourselves like “Am I good enough to be loved by myself? Can I look in the mirror and honestly say that I respect what’s looking back at me?” Most people can’t be that and what Buddhism has helped me to do is see that all of this shit that sort of happened in my life is really conditional. It stands from conditions outside of my control and my personality is made up of the varied conditions that I was raised and born into. Some of that has to do with my parents, some of that has to do with society, some of that has to do with the decisions that I made and when you can sort of step away from your past mistakes and look at them more in a way like I can’t believe I was in a place that was that bad, but I needed to do that rather than “Oh I’m just an awful person, I can’t believe I did drugs. Oh, I’m an awful person, I can’t believe I cheated on my girlfriend.” We have something in American culture that wants to punish or anything redeem sort of wrong that needs to come with a very harsh punishment and I think that gets in the way of allowing people to really, truly heal from any bad experience that they had, because they’re all blaming themselves. They’re always taught to “If I did something wrong is because I made a mistake and I need to suffer for that” but in no instant this judgement ever, ever makes sense. Judgement doesn’t help change any situation. Judging or punishing yourself doesn’t gonna change the actions that you did. You really have to let go and it has taught me to let go.
“We have something in American culture that wants to punish or anything redeem sort of wrong that needs to come with a very harsh punishment and I think that gets in the way of allowing people to really, truly heal from any bad experience that they had…”
Do you still feel that pressure?
Yeah, it’s still there, but it just takes a long time to give that up.
Pull The Thorns From Your Heart is broken up into 4 non sequential acts that are named after Buddhist concepts and teachings: I – Annica & Sacca (Impermanence & Truth), II – Tisarana (The Three Jewels), III – Maransati (Mindfulness of Death) and IV – The Brahmaviharas (The Heavenly Abodes). Tell me a little bit more about those concepts and how they connect with the songs.
Yeah, it’s broken up into 4 parts. The first part stands for Impermanence & Truth. One of the three main teachings of Buddhism is that every single thing in the known universe is impermanent, everything is void of the impersonal – meaning that a lot of your emotions that you take in, you’ve been personal, you make them personal. If someone gets upset at you, you make that personal, but really that person is upset because of their own set of conditions and their own life. They’re upset at you because of their own thing, yet we internalize that and we make it personal. There’s an impersonal nature of all phenomenon, including our human interactions. So, there’s a freedom when you can really start to see the impersonal nature of your own mind – meaning when you have a thought, you immediately attach your own identity to it, so you assume that thought is who you are, but in reality that thought is the mind. The mind makes up thoughts, you can’t stop the mind from making up thoughts. Sometimes it will make up thoughts that you like, sometimes it will make up thoughts that you don’t like and sometimes it will make up things that you’re bored with and you’re not interested in, like you’re neutral. So there’s that. They’re called the three marks of existence which are impermanent, the impersonal nature of things and that there’s difficulty and suffering in life that just by the nature of being alive we have to deal with dying, you know, we have to die. We get sick, we get old… even if you live a beautiful, amazing life, you still get sick, old and die. There’s this idea that there’s an unsatisfactory nature to life, even when only good things happen to you, which nobody has only good things happened because everybody experiences some death, everybody experiences sickness, somebody that you love is sick or somebody that you love dies, so… That’s the first part, it’s really introducing the reality and when I came to realize those three things, it really gave me some freedom. The second part is The Three Jewels, which as a Buddhist you take refuge and the Buddha… Not as a man, not like Jesus Christ. I don’t worship Buddha as a human being. I look at it as the ability to become awake because Buddha means “awaken one”. I don’t look at it as “Oh, I worship the Buddha. He was able to accomplish this and so can I and so can you and so can anybody.” And then we take refuge in our community and we take refuge in the dharma, the teachings of the Buddha. The third section of the record is a meditation practice on death, where you sort of meditate on your own impermanence of your body and you sort of take steps through watching it decay and disappear. You are reflecting on your own impermanent nature of your body, like what it means to know that there’s an end to this and not in a morbid way, not like unfascinated by death, but that it’s a reality, that you will die. When you know you’re gonna die, it changes the nature of what becomes important to you. The fourth section is about cultivating love and kindness, which is a wish for other people to be happy including yourself. Compassion, joy and equanimity, which is an ability to be with things as they are. That’s sort of what the record is if you sum it up into all of the parts.
What’s next for Senses Fail for the rest of the year?
We’re gonna come over to Europe in September/October. We’re gonna be playing in Germany, France, Belgium, Switzerland, Austria, Czech Republic, Poland, the Netherlands and the UK.